Posted in My thoughts

Waiting patiently…

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.
-Rainer Maria Rilke-

A very nice quote that I have kept over the years. When I feel so bothered about something and needs to be out and heard. I pull this out and remind myself of a lot of things that put me where I am today.

Someday all my questions will be answered and all of my answers will fulfill me as a whole. All of what that is worth a wait… Someday. One day. I am waiting patiently…

Posted in Bounding Time, Celebration, Common Sense, Familia, Marriage, Married Life, Parenting

Commandments

Fatherhood, you might argue, is too complicated to be reduced to capsule form. But complexity only adds intrigue to the quest for guiding principles. And do we need guiding principles. After all the emotions, all the yelling, and all the laughter, I have distilled the duties and demands down to a decade of Dad dicta. Herewith, on behalf of all God’s children and their male parents, the 10 Commandments of Daddy.

1. Hey, Dad, be big
In spirit, that is. Consider some of the big guys who have gone before you: Father Time, God the Father. You can’t give this role a walk-through. You’ve got to play it. The kids expect stature from you. You’re the anvil on which they hammer out their deal with the world. Be a presence in their lives-and in their minds.

2. Hey, Dad, be small
Yes, this contradicts the first tip. Don’t be so big that you suck all the air out of the room. Give your kids space to move around in, to test their thoughts and strengths. Take a backseat three or four times a week. Say, “Maybe.” Say, “I don’t know.” Now and then, tell the kids you’re sorry-assuming you behaved badly. You’ll feel brand new.

3. Hey, Dad, come home
Lots of fathers have two jobs. If that’s your situation, God bless you, pal. You’ll get no heat from me. But if you can pay the bills without working double shifts, get home when you can. Nothing good can happen until you do.

4. Bob and weave, Bubba
Stay light on your feet. Don’t make too many hard-and-fast rules. Don’t insist on having your way with the kids just because the rest of the world isn’t always overly interested in the sound of your voice. There is a difference between authority and power. Have the first; don’t abuse the second.

5. Never dance in front of their friends
Remember the cautionary legend of the father who once picked his kids up at a junior-high dance and actually went into the gym and did a few seconds of the Hully Gully with Margie Costanzo. His adult children still have embarrassment nightmares.

6. Save your money, big man
If you’re not careful, the kids will send you to the poorhouse three dollars and twenty-nine cents at a time. Think college tuition. Think down payment on their starter homes. Although it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, it can buy lots of other stuff.

7. Spend your money, tightwad
F. Scott Fitzgerald said the sign of a first-rate mind was the ability to have two opposite opinions at the same time. You’re a first-rate mind, Dad. So spring for the glowing monster trading cards. If you’ve got the money, pop for the musical princess crown. What are you saving your money for, pal? College? Hah! You can’t possibly save enough. There is the future, and then there is now. This is it.

8. Never go on a ride with the word whirl in its name.
Especially the Space Shuttle Whirl at the Great Escape near Lake George, New York. It’s tougher to be a good father when your nervous system is permanently compromised. Stay on the ground and wave.

9. Let ’em be-they’re not your second chance
We become most upset with the kids when they remind us of… well, us. Help them follow their own path, not your road not taken.

10. Love their mother
Hug Mom. Often. In front of the kids. Sure, sometimes marriages end, but the obligation to a woman doesn’t. Be grateful to her. Speak to her with respect. Try to make her laugh. Listen. Even if you’re not married to her, figure out how to love her.

Posted in Accomplishments, Bounding Time, Celebration, Common Sense, Familia, Parenting

10 Ways to Be a Better Dad

1. Respect Your Children’s Mother
If you are married, keep your marriage strong and vital. If you’re not married, it is still important to respect and support the mother of your children. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are also more likely to feel that they are also accepted and respected.

2. Spend Time with Your Children
How a father spends his time tells his children what’s important to him. If you always seem too busy for your children, they will feel neglected, no matter what you say. Treasuring children often means sacrificing other things, but it is essential to spend time with your children.

3. Earn the Right to Be Heard
All too often, the only time a father speaks to his children is when they have done something wrong. Begin talking with your kids when they are young, so that difficult subjects will be easier to handle as they get older. Take time and listen to their ideas and problems.

4. Discipline with Love
All children need guidance and discipline, not as punishment, but to set reasonable limits. Remind your children of the consequences of their actions and provide meaningful rewards for desirable behavior. Fathers who discipline in a calm and fair manner show love for their children.
5. Be a Role Model
Fathers are role models to their kids, whether they realize it or not. A girl who spends time with a loving father grows up knowing she deserves to be respected by boys. Fathers can teach sons what is important in life by demonstrating honesty, humility and responsibility.

6. Be a Teacher
Too many fathers think teaching is something others do. But a father who teaches his children about right and wrong, and encourages them to do their best, will see his children make good choices. Involved fathers use everyday examples to help their children learn the basic lessons of life.

7. Eat Together as a Family
Sharing a meal together can be an important part of healthy family life. In addition to providing some structure in a busy day, it gives kids the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do. It is also a good time for fathers to listen and give advice.

8. Read to Your Children
Children learn best by doing and reading, as well as seeing and hearing. Begin reading to your children when they are very young. When they are older, encourage them to read on their own. Instilling your children with a love for reading is one of the best ways to ensure they will have a lifetime of personal and career growth.

9. Show Affection
Children need the security that comes from knowing they are wanted, accepted and loved by their family. Parents need to feel both comfortable and willing to hug their children. Showing affection every day is the best way to let your children know that you love them.

10. Realize That a Father’s Job Is Never Done
Even after children are grown and ready to leave home, they will still look to their fathers for wisdom and advice. Fathers continue to play an essential part in the lives of their children as they grow and, perhaps, marry and build their own families.