Posted in A Possibility, A whole lot, Being Strong, Common Sense, Death, Endless Q's, Letting GO, Me Myself and I, My thoughts, Organizing Your Life, Thinking Time

Is it worth it?

Often times and not sometimes, I just want to ran somewhere where no one knows me and start fresh. As in change your identity. I know, we should learn to face our problem or anything head on but what if it’s a hopeless case and no end in sight, keep fight?

Sometimes, there are battles worth fighting and others just not worth fighting. I have come to that phase that I am choosing my battles and seems like this battle is not worth it anymore.

Option is giving up or retrieving to a peaceful area…. I would say to save my sanity. Not just for me but for the people around me as well.

Not a tear falls, my heàrt doesn’t skip a beat and we are definitely dancing to a different tunes, we are not in sync..  Did I missed anything?

Makes me wonder is it worth it?

 

Posted in A whole lot, Being You + Being ME, Endless Q's, Left Unattended, Me Myself and I, My thoughts

Connection

So true that it’s hard to find a connection with anyone,not even the person whom you have known for years or even decades. For me connection happens when you’re in the same wave length/frequency. But with that said it doesn’t assure anyone that they will be in that same frequency at all times, right?

They are those times that we seem to be disconnected and trying to seek the right station/frequency. And I always wonder why? Can’t we get the same connection and frequency the same time we are with that person? Why can’t that person whom we know and knew seems disconnected and not understanding us.., or me or you…

Ever wonder…

Posted in A whole lot, Being Strong, Body+Mind, Bounding Time, Budget Wisely, Endless Q's, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Friendly Reminder, Marriage, Married Life

Cheating

Can you spot a husband prone to infidelity? If he’s unhappy with his wife, he’ll cheat, right? Not necessarily. According to a Rutgers University study, 56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages. They’re largely satisfied with all they have and aren’t looking for a way out, yet they still find themselves in bed with other women-and in hot water with their wives. Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths.

Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.

Men who cheat haven’t fallen out of love; they’ve become unsatisfied with the current state of it. “Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together,” says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. While they’re fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. “We more often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too,” says Dr. Brosh. “They frequently suffer in silence, believing they can’t get what they want from their spouses.” To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights out together, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams–not just workdays and your son’s last soccer game. 


Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.

Cheaters don’t generally pick up random women in bars. “My first husband cheated on me with a childhood friend,” says Diane* from New York City. “His family was close to her family, so they never lost touch.” Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini explains, “A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies-not true. The relationships are usually friendships first.” In fact, more than 60% of affairs start at work, according to Focus on the Family. A good idea: Make sure your husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner. “Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night. That has to stop,” says Rapini. She suggests always going to bed at the same time and cuddling.

Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages.

“Men love their spouses, but they don’t know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife–and their mistress–without confronting the real issues.


Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.

You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like what they did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. “If he puts his ego to the side, he’ll feel like a piece of garbage,” says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…Is Men. “After all, he’s betraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes its toll on every part of his psyche.” A cheater can feel as though he’s failed as a man.


Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.

Just because a husband’s touchy-feely doesn’t mean his marriage is on firm footing. “When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually,” says Rapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still the one with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. If you notice a sudden change in your husband’s sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Be on the lookout for the switch to flip off again. “After the affair is solid, he may begin to pull away,” says Rapini.

Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous.

An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating–without any physical contact–is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.


Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband’s cheating.

How could Tiger Woods’s ex, Elin Nordegren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ex, Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to? They probably did, but couldn’t bear to acknowledge it. “At one level, I knew, but my denial was so strong,” says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. “The pain, had I accepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process it slowly.” According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the same thing: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoid humiliation and the fallout. 


Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.

They could agree to work on things, but it won’t matter. If he’s still in the throes of a hot, new romance, nothing a woman does will drag him out of it. “He’s got such positivity happening, without all the drama that exists in the established relationship,” says Orlando. The marriage will likely fail, unless he decides on his own accord that life isn’t better with the other woman. So the key is prevention. Continue to be the woman he first fell for throughout your marriage. “Women often turn from a loving girlfriend into a nagging wife. Men aren’t attracted to that.” Dole out compliments andsurprise him with sex–don’t just yell at him about that towel on the bathroom floor, suggests Dr. Mandel. 


Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage.

Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? Not always. Although a new relationship is exciting, “an affair can rekindle the marriage,” says Orlando. “Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn’t as perfect as they thought.” But think hard before returning to a cheater. “Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has,” explains Orlando. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, it’s possible to get back on track.

 

Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair.

Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesn’t totally forget about the affair. “He might miss the great things about the other woman-fun, zero responsibilities, sex, the rush or the chase–but oftentimes he misses how he feels about himself when he was with her, which is more damaging if he’s trying to return to his marriage,” says Orlando. Again, acting as you did when the relationship was new could help.


Fact #11: A cheater knows he’s hurting the woman he loves, tearing his family apart and sacrificing his honor.

A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but still continue an affair. How? “It’s all in the perception of the cheater,” says Orlando. “If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs of being wanted, valued and appreciated will win out.” 


Fact #12: The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her.

Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.” Orlando echoes this sentiment: “Men don’t cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they’re not,” he says. “The ‘fault’ is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties.”

*Names have been changed
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

Posted in A whole lot, Celebration, Common Sense, Endless Q's, Familia, L.O.V.E.

Whitfields

This is the story of a solidly middle-class African-American family that reunites for Christmas for the first time in seveal years. Ma’dere (Loretta Devine) is the Matriarch who’s Los Angeles home is where the vast majority of the story takes place. As with any family gathering there are topics that are best not discussed. When they are discussed here they end up in fights -verbal or physical (an excellent sister-on sister catfight stands out here). One sister is encouraging the siblings to sell the family dry cleaning business and split the profits. One bother is running from loan sharks. One brother is AWOL from the Marine Corps and One sister has brought along the man she’s dating at a historically Black college. Despite what the trailers and TV commercials may lead you to think this is not a warm syurpy comedy. There are dramatic moments, violence and course language. It is however very much a slice-of-life that not enough hollywood features present. This family, warts and all, is definitely not a hollywood feel-good film with blackfaces. It is authentic in it’s portrayal of themes facing African-Americans in particular but Americans in general.

A true portrial of each family of all walks in life. That sometimes why people prefer not to attend any family gathering or intimate family gathering only. Because as we all know claws and punches are bound to happen. Why be surrounded with people whom you are not comfortable with and just ruin your night/day.
As we watch the movie as a family a lot of sparks and unanswered questions from yesteryear and just waiting to be answer. But sometimes some things are just left where they should be and just go on with life.
I just hope that one day when and if ever we will have a family gathering I hope it will be a great one and something that we will all remember. Well, if issues are discuss I just hope that calmness will be with us as well as patience, understanding and respect for one another.