Posted in A whole lot, Being Strong, Body+Mind, Bounding Time, Budget Wisely, Endless Q's, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Friendly Reminder, Marriage, Married Life

Cheating

Can you spot a husband prone to infidelity? If he’s unhappy with his wife, he’ll cheat, right? Not necessarily. According to a Rutgers University study, 56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages. They’re largely satisfied with all they have and aren’t looking for a way out, yet they still find themselves in bed with other women-and in hot water with their wives. Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths.

Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.

Men who cheat haven’t fallen out of love; they’ve become unsatisfied with the current state of it. “Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together,” says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. While they’re fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. “We more often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too,” says Dr. Brosh. “They frequently suffer in silence, believing they can’t get what they want from their spouses.” To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights out together, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams–not just workdays and your son’s last soccer game. 


Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.

Cheaters don’t generally pick up random women in bars. “My first husband cheated on me with a childhood friend,” says Diane* from New York City. “His family was close to her family, so they never lost touch.” Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini explains, “A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies-not true. The relationships are usually friendships first.” In fact, more than 60% of affairs start at work, according to Focus on the Family. A good idea: Make sure your husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner. “Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night. That has to stop,” says Rapini. She suggests always going to bed at the same time and cuddling.

Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages.

“Men love their spouses, but they don’t know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife–and their mistress–without confronting the real issues.


Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.

You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like what they did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. “If he puts his ego to the side, he’ll feel like a piece of garbage,” says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women…Is Men. “After all, he’s betraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes its toll on every part of his psyche.” A cheater can feel as though he’s failed as a man.


Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.

Just because a husband’s touchy-feely doesn’t mean his marriage is on firm footing. “When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually,” says Rapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still the one with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. If you notice a sudden change in your husband’s sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Be on the lookout for the switch to flip off again. “After the affair is solid, he may begin to pull away,” says Rapini.

Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous.

An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating–without any physical contact–is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.


Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband’s cheating.

How could Tiger Woods’s ex, Elin Nordegren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ex, Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to? They probably did, but couldn’t bear to acknowledge it. “At one level, I knew, but my denial was so strong,” says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. “The pain, had I accepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process it slowly.” According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the same thing: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoid humiliation and the fallout. 


Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.

They could agree to work on things, but it won’t matter. If he’s still in the throes of a hot, new romance, nothing a woman does will drag him out of it. “He’s got such positivity happening, without all the drama that exists in the established relationship,” says Orlando. The marriage will likely fail, unless he decides on his own accord that life isn’t better with the other woman. So the key is prevention. Continue to be the woman he first fell for throughout your marriage. “Women often turn from a loving girlfriend into a nagging wife. Men aren’t attracted to that.” Dole out compliments andsurprise him with sex–don’t just yell at him about that towel on the bathroom floor, suggests Dr. Mandel. 


Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage.

Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? Not always. Although a new relationship is exciting, “an affair can rekindle the marriage,” says Orlando. “Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn’t as perfect as they thought.” But think hard before returning to a cheater. “Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has,” explains Orlando. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, it’s possible to get back on track.

 

Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair.

Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesn’t totally forget about the affair. “He might miss the great things about the other woman-fun, zero responsibilities, sex, the rush or the chase–but oftentimes he misses how he feels about himself when he was with her, which is more damaging if he’s trying to return to his marriage,” says Orlando. Again, acting as you did when the relationship was new could help.


Fact #11: A cheater knows he’s hurting the woman he loves, tearing his family apart and sacrificing his honor.

A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but still continue an affair. How? “It’s all in the perception of the cheater,” says Orlando. “If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs of being wanted, valued and appreciated will win out.” 


Fact #12: The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her.

Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.” Orlando echoes this sentiment: “Men don’t cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they’re not,” he says. “The ‘fault’ is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties.”

*Names have been changed
Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

Posted in A whole lot, Accomplishments, Being You + Being ME, Bounding Time, Common Sense, Friendly Reminder, L.O.V.E., Marriage, Married Life, Mars and Venus, Thankful, The Gift Of Friendship

Pairs

Just like any dance a relationship should jive with the music and with the right moves.

Just like our feet we need to find the exact size for us to be able to walk properly.

Just like food with have to find the right combination for a fruitful and satisfying eat out.

Just like in a relationship we fall in love with the person that jives our pleasure and makes us happy and sad.

Just like in marriage we pair with the person we chose to be our partner for better or for worst.

Just like in anything, everything and something everything comes in pairs.

Because in life and love everything comes in pairs.

You love and you hate

You’re happy and you’re sad

For richer and for poorer

In sickness and in health

Death and life

and the list goes on and on….

Posted in F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Friendly Reminder, Fun while learning, Me Myself and I, Thankful, The Gift Of Friendship, Thinking Time, Work Thoughts

Tuesday Mumblings

I am so fine with working with others but to cross my work and pretend as if they know it is something. I am not offended I just pity the Ms. Know it all person who was acting as if she knew what she was yapping about.

Never ever in my wildest dreams have I thought working for a small company has it’s own political backstabbers too.

About a dozen give and take and yet others want to snatch the rightful right to do one’s job. What a cruel world.

Anyways,although my Tuesday started pretty rough at least at the end of the day I held my head up high where it should be for I did nothing wrong.

With people with such attitude I was inhale deeply and exhale smiling for they made themselves look like a fool.

Posted in A Possibility, A whole lot, Accidents Happen + Mother Nature, Common Sense, Friendly Reminder

Drivers Beware

1. Dead battery

This is often the culprit when your engine won’t start. All batteries weaken over time. In addition, infrequent use, a lot of short trips, or multiple accessories being used when the headlights are on can leave the battery undercharged. If you forget to turn off a light or you listen to the radio with the engine off, the battery could be too weak to start the engine when you need it.

How to prevent it:

Although the effect of a drained battery often shows up on cold mornings, it’s the high temperatures of summer that usually do the most damage. So a battery can go at any time. That’s why you should have the battery and alternator tested as part of an annual safety inspection.


2. Flat tire or blowout

Flats and blowouts can be caused by a road hazard, a tire defect, or lack of care. At best they interrupt your trip and force you to change the tire or call for assistance; at worst they can cause you to lose control of the vehicle. If you experience either, take a firm grip on the wheel and gently guide the car off the road as soon as possible.

How to prevent it:


Many tire problems result from underinflated tires that overheat. Keep all tires, even the spare, properly inflated to the automaker’s recommended pressure by checking them at least monthly. And pay attention to warnings from the car’s tirepressure monitoring system, if there is one. Also inspect the tire sidewalls for bulges or cracks. If you see such warning signs, replace the tire immediately. Replacing all four tires at a time is best, and it’s a must on all-wheeldrive vehicles.


3. Fluid leak

An undetected leak in a critical system can be devastating, possibly resulting in a blown engine or transmission or even brake failure.

How to prevent it:

Check the car’s fluid levels regularly; refer to your owner’s manual. Also look for leaks on the pavement where you park. Black drips are oil; green, orange, or yellow are coolant; and brown or reddish oily drips can be transmission or brake fluid. Any of those can spell trouble. Have a mechanic inspect the car if you spot any fresh leaks.


4. Worn-out wipers or no fluid

Many accidents are a result of poor visibility. Often you don’t realize your wipers are shot or the washer tank is empty until your visibility is limited, such as in a heavy rain or snowstorm or in the glaring sun with a dirty windshield. And a torn wiper blade can allow the wiper arm to rub against the glass, possibly ruining the windshield.

How to prevent it:

In our tests, we’ve found that wipers usually degrade in performance after only six months. Get new ones at least twice a year; the Valeo 600 Series, RainX Latitude, Anco 32 Series, and Michelin RainForce top our Ratings. Keep the windshield-washer reservoir full. Pack spare wiper blades and a gallon of nonfreezing washer fluid in the trunk.


5. Blown fuse

When a fuse goes, it can disable a critical electrical system, such as the headlights, defroster, or antilock brake system, any of which could lead to an accident.

What to do:

You can’t prevent an electrical problem, but a blown fuse should be the first thing you check if your car experiences one. Carry a selection of spare fuses and a fuse puller in the car; fuse kits (about $5 to $20) are available at auto parts stores. Check your owner’s manual for the correct type and amp ratings, and for how to replace them. Never replace a fuse with one of a higher amp rating. If the same fuse blows repeatedly, have a mechanic inspect the system.


6. Broken drive belt

It can disable the car’s water pump or alternator, leading to battery failure or engine overheating. And when it comes to maintenance, belts are easy to forget.

How to prevent it:

Periodically check the belts under the hood visually and by feeling them. If any one has cracks or the rubber is fraying or feels brittle, it should be replaced. If there’s a lot of slack in the belt, the underside is shiny, or you hear squealing while driving, it should be adjusted or repaired. Most drive belts should be replaced after about 60,000 miles; see your owner’s manual.


7. Locked out

We’ve all done this. At best, it’s a minor annoyance; at worst, it’s a serious problem when you’re in an unsafe environment.

How to prevent it:

Keep a spare door key handy. Some carmakers provide a valet key or a plastic key for emergency use. If it won’t fit in a purse or wallet, consider putting it in a magnetic box ($5 to $10) and hiding it beneath the car or behind the license plate. Often a dealer can cut a door key for much less than what a locksmith would charge if you provide the car’s vehicle identification number and registration. Telematics services, such as GM’s OnStar, can unlock a car remotely.

Source: Yahoo Autos

Posted in A whole lot, Accomplishments, Being Strong, Common Sense, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Friendly Reminder, The Gift Of Friendship

Iron out

Well, Thursday is here and it’s time to sort things out. Iron it out as wrinkle free as we can. Is it possible? Honestly I know it won’t be but things can be straighten out just with some permanent creases on it. I am trying to think positively but I am not ignorant.

Of course both parties will have some damages and things will change but that doesn’t mean that we won’t try our very best to accommodate things.

Whoever said that past is past and let’s just forgive and forget? Well, there are people who doesn’t seem to plant hatred but there are others who let it grow and sometimes controls them.

Well, the problem was discussed and a good conclusion was voiced out but the question still remains can this be avoided again? Honestly, it’s one big NO! and you know why because the person (s) behind it is/are irresponsible and doesn’t want to be told and accept of the mistake they are making or partaking.

I just hope that one day before making any drastic changes kindly inform others so that we won’t be caught off guard.

It’s one Happy Thursday for us….

All things that starts well, ends well!!!