Posted in A whole lot, Emotions & Behavior, L.O.V.E., Marriage, Married Life

9 secrets of Happy Couples

Loving couples: In a world where 40 percent of marriages end in divorce, you can’t help but notice them. There they are, finishing each other’s sentences or laughing in some dusky corner of a Chinese restaurant. They seem so wonderfully in sync, and they make the work of being a couple seem effortless. Of course, no intimate relationship ever is, especially once you factor in life’s built-in pressures, like work deadlines, laundry and your daughter’s orthodontist appointments.

But, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., Redbook Online’s resident sex-and-relationships expert, there are certain core values that make some marriages more intimate and resilient than others. You could probably predict the list: trust, mutual respect, commitment and a strong sense of “we” in the relationship. What is surprising, experts point out, is that when you ask loving husbands and wives about the key to their devotion, over and over you’ll hear the same things, specific habits that mirror these values. Learning these secrets can make your marriage closer too.

1. They use terms of endearment

Sure, you may find it cloyingly sweet when you overhear other couples talking like 2-year-olds, but endearments are actually a sign of a healthy rapport.

“Pet names take you back either to the happy childhood you had or the one you wish you had,” says Manhattan-based family therapist Carolyn Perla, Ph.D. “They signal a safe, supportive environment.” Also, these days, when we’re stretched to the limit trying to juggle jobs and kids, “pet names give us the chance to let down our guard, to be vulnerable and childlike. And they make us feel close to one another.”

These same feelings of intimacy can also come from using a special tone of voice with each other, sharing silly “inside jokes,” or pet-naming your spouse’s intimate body parts. The point is to connect with some private message system that’s meaningful to you alone, as a couple — not to the outside world. “This type of playfulness is a statement that you’re feeling comfortable with each other and with the relationship,” says Dr. Perla.

2. They do stuff together

When that pheromone-crazy feeling of falling in love passes and happy couples no longer spend all day in bed, they look outward. They start businesses, refinish the attic or take up cooking together.

Of all the variables in a relationship — from commitment to communication — the amount of fun couples have together is the strongest factor in determining their overall marital happiness, according to a landmark study by Howard Markman, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Markman, is an “investment in the relationship”; it provides a relaxed intimacy that strengthens the bond between two people. So even if your life is impossibly frantic, make the time for play. And do all you can to eliminate distractions. Leave the kids with a sitter, ditch the beeper and cell phone. The activity doesn’t have to be anything elaborate or costly. Exercising together, browsing in antiques stores, or renting a classic movie can help bring the two of you closer.

3. When the going gets tough, they don’t call Mom or Dad

The first task facing all young couples is separating from their families of origin, points out San Francisco-area-based family researcher Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go home for the holidays. But if there’s a crisis over whether to have a second child or relocate for a new job, or even if there’s good news about a big raise or the results of a medical test, the couple should talk about it together first before dialing Mom. “You wouldn’t believe how many people who are getting divorced say to me, ‘She was never mine,’ or ‘His mother always came first,'” Dr. Wallerstein observes.

4. They stay connected to their parents

This doesn’t contradict No. 3: You can talk with your mom every day and still be clear about where your attachment to her ends and your love for your mate begins.

“Staying connected to parents, siblings, cousins and the like can be excellent for a marriage because it gives a sense of family continuity,” says Dr. Greer. “It generates positive feelings, especially when you incorporate your spouse into that family. You’re sharing that part of you with each other.”

5. They don’t nickel-and-dime about chores

It’s no secret that most wives continue to do more in the housekeeping and child-rearing departments than their husbands. Still, when partners become double-entry bookkeepers, adding up every dish washed and every diaper changed, they may be headed for trouble.

“Most couples think they should strive for a relationship that’s 50-50,” observes Dr. Perla, “but the fact is, they should each give 150 percent. In good relationships, couples give everything they can. They don’t nickel-and-dime each other, and they respect that each person gives different things.”

6. They fight constructively

There’s fighting and then there’s fighting. When couples start yelling and throwing things, when they dredge up every single complaint they’ve ever had (or “kitchen-sinking,” as marital experts typically call it), you can be sure that they won’t be celebrating their silver anniversary together. “Studies show that the way couples handle conflict is the most important factor in determining whether or not they stay together,” observes Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph.D., a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont.

“Happy couples have learned the art of constructive arguing,” says Dr. Markman, whose research has demonstrated that it’s possible to predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them argue for 10 or 15 minutes. In strong marriages, he says, the partners take control of their disagreements by establishing ground rules. They may, for example, call a mutually agreed-upon time-out if the conflict is escalating and unproductive, agreeing to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. They also truly listen to each other and won’t prematurely try to solve the problem before they’ve heard each other out. Above all, no matter how angry they get, they don’t resort to name-calling and insults — key danger signs, says Dr. Markman.

7. They give each other gifts

Couples who are deeply connected often give each other presents or write little notes, says Thomas Moore, Ph.D., best-selling author of Care of the Soul. What they’re doing is preserving the rituals, and the magic, of their courtship.

The gift should carry no strings. Sarah sometimes comes home from work to find that her husband has prepared a candlelight dinner. “But it’s not set up to be a prelude to sex,” Sarah says laughingly. “John does it because he wants me to feel loved.”

8. They never lose their sense of humor

Humor, as many psychotherapists have observed, is the Krazy Glue that keeps a couple together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, Dr. Moore says, it’s a signal that the soul has gone out of their marriage and they are headed for trouble.

But Dr. Moore is quick to point out that lighthearted couples never mock each other. They instinctively know what is — and isn’t — fair game. “Sam would never dream of making fun of my big butt,” notes Catherine.

9. They take “for better or for worse” seriously

Contented couples encounter their share of life’s miseries — whether it’s the car breaking down, a nasty cold or a missed promotion — but they help each other get through. You don’t, for example, hear them say, “How could you let that happen?” when a spouse loses a job. “Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner’s suffering, like become resentful or criticize,” notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. In good marriages, people feel safe from the outside world. Each spouse, stresses Dr. Greer, has the feeling, “I can count on you, our world is all right.”

As we can see it’s pretty simple to be happy and make happiness last… It’s just us who needs the work and keep working to make the marriage or any relationship work, be happy and enjoy each other’s company. 
FYI: Got this article @
Posted in A whole lot, Bounding Time, Common Sense, Emotions & Behavior, L.O.V.E., Marriage, Married Life

17 of 5 minutes…

Read at and sharing with you all…

1. It’s the little things.
It turns out that love is in the details: “We know from marriage and divorce research that it’s the everyday things – having fun, connecting, and showing you care – that make or break a marriage,” says Debra Castaldo, Ph.D., author ofGifts of Love. We heard the same from other experts, real couples, and even one of America’s greatest living poets. So we worked up this list of 17 fast little somethings that’ll help you and your guy go all gaga for each other again.

2. Have a quick bitchfest (just not about each other).
“It’s very detrimental to a relationship to pretend you’re always doing great,” says Brian Grossman, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of Learning to Listen: Did You Hear What I Think I Said? So vent about whatever’s bugging you: your job, your mom, this morning’s rude barista. “You’ll immediately feel closer. And don’t feel pressured to come up with solutions; this exercise is more about sharing your feelings with each other.”

3. Wash the car.
Pull the garbage to the curb, or handle whatever chore he always takes care of. It’ll help you appreciate what he does for both of you. “Since I took on some of the bill paying, my husband is calmer and our marriage is less stressful,” says Jennifer Lee, 45, a life coach in Winter Springs, FL. “A tiny thing made a huge difference.”

4. Share story time.
“My husband and I used to take turns giving a bath and reading books to our daughter at bedtime,” says Alisa Bowman, author of Project Happily Ever After. “But one night, my husband crawled into bed and listened while I read to her. It was a very sweet moment to have us all lounging there together, and now we do it regularly. It only takes a few minutes to read a bedtime story, but I always feel closer to him when it’s over.” If you’re not in the reading-with-kids phase, read novels aloud to each other. Especially the good parts.

5. Open a bottle of wine.
A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2010 found that couples who drink together report feeling closer and having fewer relationship troubles than people who imbibe alone or don’t drink at all. But don’t turn into a Tennessee Williams play: The best effects were seen when couples had one to three drinks and sipped similar amounts.

6. Get in the shower with him.
It doesn’t matter how jam-packed your days are: Any couple can grab five minutes of absolutely alone, soaking-wet face-to-face time (be it sexy or just warm and sudsy) first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

7. Act like teenagers.
Have a semipublic makeout session. Remember how thrilling it was in high school? It’s even better now.

8. Get some distance.
If you come home in a terrible mood, take five. Sit on the deck or go grab the mail – so you don’t pick at your hubby when you don’t really mean to.

9. Brag about your better half.
And do it when you’re both right there. “When my husband and I are out with other people, talking about marriage or parenting or work – anything, really – I love to say what a great dad and friend he is to me and our daughter,” says Linnet Overton, 31, from Nashville. “Sure, he blushes up a storm, but I know it makes him feel good to know he’s appreciated. And when he publicly compliments me, it reminds me that I’m loved and valued.”

10. Share a sexy dream in full detail
“Our brains are the biggest factor in making us feel turned on,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. “After you’ve had sex with someone a thousand times, it’s the mental stuff that keeps things hot.”

11. Dance to your wedding song.
“A few weeks ago, I was in the kitchen with my husband and 9-month-old son, chopping onions and listening to the radio. Out of nowhere, our wedding song started playing: Chuck Berry’s ‘You Never Can Tell,'” says Jessica Bliss, 30, from Nashville. “I grabbed our son, spinning him in circles and singing. My husband laughed and joined in. Having our little man with us was a reminder of how much happiness we have enjoyed since our first dance.”

12. Bring him his morning coffee.
A small, sweet gesture can go a long way toward making him feel loved – and makes him happy to reciprocate.

13. Break out the fancy china.
You know, the stuff from your registry that you only dust off at the holidays. Set the table with it, even if you’re just grilling burgers, and light a candle or two. You’ll instantly add meaning to an ordinary night. “Right after my husband and I got married, I got a job in another city and we relocated. It was a stressful period, transitioning into a new place,” says Jaime McMurtrie, 31, of Atlanta. “When we finally moved into our home, we broke out our nice wedding china, which was in storage and had never been used, and cooked dinner together. It made the meal feel so special and gave us a chance to reflect on all the huge changes in our life. It was the start of a great, really sweet tradition.”

14. Go to bed at the same time, even if you don’t stay there.
“When we first got married, I was a night owl, and my husband, Mike, had to get up early for his job,” says Melody Brooke, 54, from Richardson, TX. “Our mismatched schedules made us feel really disconnected from each other. So we started a habit that we’ve kept up to this day, 12 years later. When one of us goes to bed, the other one climbs in too for a quick cuddle. Even if Mike or I get up afterward, it’s a way to always connect after a long day.”

15. Ask for what you want already.
Had a rough day at work and badly need a hug? Don’t just stand there; tell him. “Early in our marriage, a therapist suggested that my husband and I tell each other exactly what makes us feel loved,” says Lori Jo Vest, 48, from Troy, MI. “My list included little things like him washing the bath towels, kissing me good-bye every day, and warming up my car on cold mornings. Nine years later, he still does those things, because he wants to make me happy – and knows exactly how to do it.”

16. Make a toast.
“I’m constantly traveling for work, and one time I had back-to-back trips and hadn’t seen my husband for weeks,” says Monica Pedersen, 40, host of HGTV’s Dream Home and Bang for Your Buck. “We were catching up on the sofa in our living room. I raised my wine glass and made a heartfelt toast to him, letting him know that there was no place I would rather be than with him and how grateful I was for his constant encouragement and support. Now it’s a tradition on our date nights.”

17. Ask him an out-there question.
“Relationships get stale when we think we know everything about each other, so genuine curiosity is the biggest turn-on there is,” says Karen Kimsey-House, coauthor of Co-Active Coaching. “I love being surprised when my husband gives me an unexpected answer.” Here are a few of her favorites – what will your guy say?

What’s your favorite outfit of mine and why? 
What’s something that you have never told any-one else – including me? 
If you could be beamed to any place in the universe right now, where would you go? 

Read on and spread the love………

Posted in A whole lot, Being A Girl, Being ME + Being YOU, Being Strong, L.O.V.E., Marriage, Married Life, Mars and Venus


Heart’s day is just around the corner literally but then I asked myself why on earth I am feeling so distant and unwanted.

Perhaps we are just busy with work and being parents. Stress seems to kill it big time and I do not want this feeling to be so unwanted and alone. My thoughts go crazy…

Feels like I am better off being me… But then again I just hope that this weekend will change things and things will pick up and be back to where it should be.

Aaaahhhhh…. The ingredients of life and making things spicier…

Wish me luck!!!

Posted in A whole lot, Accomplishments, Bounding Time, Budget Wisely, Celebration, Clean Up Time, F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Familia, It's X-mas Time, Marriage, Married Life

5 more days

We will be playing hosts this Christmas eve for our family dinner. Although, there are some tension in the air, I am hoping for a happy and joyful Christmas. Manners, manners, manners.We all are in a lot of stress for the busiest time of the year.

Our pad is not even ready, the messed from all the wrappings, baking and of course the kids Christmas vacation. They are even making the living room as their bedroom for the weekday.

Nevertheless, I am confident that we will be able to pull this through.

Enjoy your Christmas with family and friends and be thankful. Take care and God bless!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Posted in A whole lot, Bounding Time, Clean Up Time, Daily Grind, Marriage, Married Life, Me Myself and I, Something New, Weekends

Spring Cleaning 2011

Cleaning out the closets, reorganizing the pantry, throwing out old clothes, and dusting behind appliances are tasks that are probably already on your spring cleaning checklist. A deep cleaning of your home or apartment is a great way to kick off a new season and get rid of clutter. Your home will not only look beautiful, but it will be easier to find what you need on any given day and you can make the most of your living space!

It’s easy to overlook many areas of the home during your cleaning rounds, so make sure you have a thorough list or plan before you begin. Here are ten things you don’t want to forget during your spring cleaning routine:

#1: Cleaning underneath the kitchen countertops. Germs, dirt and mold can collect right under the ridge of your countertops. Clean under the counter space with a washcloth and disinfectant.

#2: Disinfecting and cleaning around the toilet bowl. Even though you might clean the inside and top of the toilet bowl once or twice per week, the area right under the flush tank often gets overlooked.

#3: Dusting the blinds. If you have Venetian or wood blinds hanging in your living space, take the time to dust each slat and also fix any broken strings.

#4: Reorganizing the medicine cabinet. Throw out expired products and remove everything from the shelves for a thorough clean. Only keep what you and your family use on a regular basis.

#5: Vacuuming or sweeping underneath the bed. Dust bunnies tend to migrate underneath the bed frames each season, so make sure you move the bed to another side of a room to catch them. Avoid storing anything but sealed containers and boxes under your bed to keep things organized.

#6: Dusting art, photographs, and wall Carefully remove photographs, artwork and wall hangings from the wall to give them a light dusting before putting them back in place.

#7: Reorganizing and cleaning under the kitchen sink. If you tend to store a lot of cleaning supplies and other household items in the cupboard underneath the kitchen sink, clear everything out and wash inside to get rid of mold and debris.

#8: Dusting the tops of ceiling fans. Dust down all the fan blades and use a gentle cleanser to keep those blades shiny and looking new.

#9: Cleaning the bathroom fans. If you have a fan in the bathroom with a visible vent, dust and clean it thoroughly to ensure air is flowing in and out properly. Dust and grime can collect on the vent plate and inside the vent over time.

#10: Cleaning the washer and dryer. Run your washer through a cycle of only vinegar and baking soda with a little water to clean for a deep clean. Clean out the dryer’s vents and wipe down both units with a damp cloth dipped in white vinegar and lemon juice or baking soda. Be sure to vacuum and sweep around each unit thoroughly.

As some of you already know me… I love to clean and organized things. I love a clean, organize, good smelling house.

Got this list from click here.